gs were a death
sentence. Finally, after years of struggling to control everything
around me, I have surrendered to one simple fact. I am the only person I
can control…just ME alone, no one else. Some days I even have a hard
time with that.
I rationalized, “But my children need guidance, it is my duty as their mother...how can I do that without controlling all that they do?” Once on my journey of awareness and enlightenment, it occurred to me I could insert everyone I knew into that equation. I was trying, more covertly, of course, to show them the RIGHT WAY to do this or that. My husband, parents, friends, employees, all of them have suffered at my hand for one thing or another. Yes, my school aged children needed some guidance, but this was much more than the healthy parental responsibilities I thought I was providing. I had to be honest with myself.
Alas, I am not judging myself too harshly in all this awareness. I also know all of this behavior was just an unconscious attempt to feel safe. I was operating from the belief: If I know what everyone is doing, I can relax and trust again. I could feel happy and enjoy my life. In the effort to control, I was placing all my personal power outside of me. From this belief, there is no true choice. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was attempting to go through my life offering each and every person I encountered the MUST HAVE book of the century, How to Make Lisa OK, A Guide to Making the World a Better Place. If you will behave this way or that, I will be OK. You can imagine how well it was received by them.
Inevitably, as it happens, the people I attempted to control pushed back. In retaliation of my need to control, they rebelled. Fights, misunderstandings and hurt feelings were a constant bog for me to muddle through. Life became tedious. They just didn't understand me. I meant the very best for them. A sordid little dynamic is created in families that are plagued by this behavior; it rarely appears in any single member. It is a family issue, taught and learned from generation to generation, for decades or even centuries. “That’s the way I was raised!” I declared, justifying the pain of seeing my children wounded by my harsh words. I saw my marriage falling into the same trap, me mimicking my parents' failed attempt at wedded bliss. Regardless of whose “fault” it is, or who started it, I KNEW in my spirit it had to end.
It has been years since all five of my children have lived at home. There is much to share about the time between my first awareness and the effective solutions I have found. However, I feel compelled to share the end result of the years of resistance and suffering, growing and squirming: the solution to the insanity of control lies in acceptance.
This seems so simple and easy, but I confess, I have struggled to learn this. To grasp full meaning of the word in this context, I begin with my relationship to God, the Universe, and my Divine Self; whatever you want to call it, this is the Source. The beginning meant I had to trust. I had to let go of my idea of EVERYTHING. The expression, “Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be” became real and life-like. Who am I to say what the Universe should do or what is in store for me and my life, not to mention all the other people I was trying to dominate! I ask for guidance on a daily basis. I pray, and meditate when I can quiet my mind. I ask my Higher Self to come forward and be present in my relationships. I ask that I get out of God's way, so I can be useful to myself and others. I practice this. Simply and profoundly, I accept the answers as they are offered and they have worked in my life.
I am the only person I can control…just ME.
I hope you will find some hope in these words, for that is my intention. I will continue to reveal more of the lessons given to me on the subject of control in a series of notes to be posted here on My Renewed Mind. They are unfolding before you, every day I am led. If you can relate, if you have questions, please feel free to comment or send me a private message. I write this to enrich your days, and keep these revelations in the foreground of my mind, so the lessons are never lost. When one teaches, two learn.
I rationalized, “But my children need guidance, it is my duty as their mother...how can I do that without controlling all that they do?” Once on my journey of awareness and enlightenment, it occurred to me I could insert everyone I knew into that equation. I was trying, more covertly, of course, to show them the RIGHT WAY to do this or that. My husband, parents, friends, employees, all of them have suffered at my hand for one thing or another. Yes, my school aged children needed some guidance, but this was much more than the healthy parental responsibilities I thought I was providing. I had to be honest with myself.
Alas, I am not judging myself too harshly in all this awareness. I also know all of this behavior was just an unconscious attempt to feel safe. I was operating from the belief: If I know what everyone is doing, I can relax and trust again. I could feel happy and enjoy my life. In the effort to control, I was placing all my personal power outside of me. From this belief, there is no true choice. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was attempting to go through my life offering each and every person I encountered the MUST HAVE book of the century, How to Make Lisa OK, A Guide to Making the World a Better Place. If you will behave this way or that, I will be OK. You can imagine how well it was received by them.
Inevitably, as it happens, the people I attempted to control pushed back. In retaliation of my need to control, they rebelled. Fights, misunderstandings and hurt feelings were a constant bog for me to muddle through. Life became tedious. They just didn't understand me. I meant the very best for them. A sordid little dynamic is created in families that are plagued by this behavior; it rarely appears in any single member. It is a family issue, taught and learned from generation to generation, for decades or even centuries. “That’s the way I was raised!” I declared, justifying the pain of seeing my children wounded by my harsh words. I saw my marriage falling into the same trap, me mimicking my parents' failed attempt at wedded bliss. Regardless of whose “fault” it is, or who started it, I KNEW in my spirit it had to end.
It has been years since all five of my children have lived at home. There is much to share about the time between my first awareness and the effective solutions I have found. However, I feel compelled to share the end result of the years of resistance and suffering, growing and squirming: the solution to the insanity of control lies in acceptance.
This seems so simple and easy, but I confess, I have struggled to learn this. To grasp full meaning of the word in this context, I begin with my relationship to God, the Universe, and my Divine Self; whatever you want to call it, this is the Source. The beginning meant I had to trust. I had to let go of my idea of EVERYTHING. The expression, “Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be” became real and life-like. Who am I to say what the Universe should do or what is in store for me and my life, not to mention all the other people I was trying to dominate! I ask for guidance on a daily basis. I pray, and meditate when I can quiet my mind. I ask my Higher Self to come forward and be present in my relationships. I ask that I get out of God's way, so I can be useful to myself and others. I practice this. Simply and profoundly, I accept the answers as they are offered and they have worked in my life.
I am the only person I can control…just ME.
I hope you will find some hope in these words, for that is my intention. I will continue to reveal more of the lessons given to me on the subject of control in a series of notes to be posted here on My Renewed Mind. They are unfolding before you, every day I am led. If you can relate, if you have questions, please feel free to comment or send me a private message. I write this to enrich your days, and keep these revelations in the foreground of my mind, so the lessons are never lost. When one teaches, two learn.
